


Who's A Good Boy?

by CarcinoArison



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dogs, Gen, In the Casino Palace, NaNoWriMo 2020, Palaces (Persona 5), cognitions - Freeform, struggling with tags so if you think of any let me know, vague akeshu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarcinoArison/pseuds/CarcinoArison
Summary: The Phantom Thieves have made as much progress as they can today in Sae's Palace but Joker still wants to grind up a little. While they're exploring, they stumble on a fun little tidbit of Sae's subconcious.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	Who's A Good Boy?

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiiii I'm Baaaaack
> 
> I'm sorry it's been forever, I've had this story in the works forever but I started Uni this year and I also got my first job so my free time is considerably less then what it used to be but I finally got this done and I'm trying to participate in NaNoWriMo this year! I've got a huge list of story ideas so hopefully, that'll keep me going.
> 
> Anywyas, I saw an art that had a cognitive akechi in Sae's palace and it inspired me so I wrote this! I hope you enjoy this silly piece of meaningless literature.

Joker idly reads some of the posters and stickers pasted on the walls of the safe room in Sae Nijima’s heart. They were a bit on the nose for his tastes, with not-so-catchy slogans like “Arrest” and “Success”. He doesn’t really get why they’re all down here considering this is supposed to be a staff-only area. 

He sighs to himself, pointless musings about the nature of employee benefits in a magical parallel world not enough to distract him from the real issue, Goro Akechi. Akira would be the first to admit that his relationship with Akechi is different than with the other Phantom Thieves. He likes to think that Akechi’s a bit more honest when it’s just the two of them. He’s definitely noticed how people like Makoto and Ryuji tend to bring out his bitchier side, but right now, even Akira is struggling with the urge to strangle Akechi. 

He just won’t  _ shut up. _ They  _ get  _ it he’s a teenage  _ genius _ he doesn’t have to  _ smack them over the freaking head  _ with it. Akira knows he’s better then this knows that Akechi is actually a rather pleasant person to talk to when he’s not  _ so damn insistent  _ on making sure every single word out of his mouth is some annoyingly smug observation or realisation that  _ obviously  _ the rest them are too dumb to figure out. 

It’s wearing on the group’s morale. They need to play along with Akechi’s amicability for their plan to work, but Akira can see how Ryuji’s fists clench and unclench as Akechi talks and how Makoto’s teeth are clenched through her forced smile. He makes a mental note to check up with them later since this is probably hardest for them. 

They’ve gone as far as they can for the day. However, Joker would still like to do some grinding before they finish up. He gathers himself up into the leader he’s expected to be and gives the nod to the group that it’s time to move on. At the moment he’s got Akechi, Yusuke, and Ann on the frontlines, not necessarily the most strategic group. Still, it’s the one least likely to end in a civil dispute, Akira can make up for any weaknesses with his register of personas anyway. 

They can’t explore the High Limit floor at the moment, so they’ve been relegated to the Members floor and the entrance hall. They decided to snoop around the staff areas of the Members floor in case there was any extra information for them to pick up. It seemed like the people in the control room were in charge of a majority of the goings-on in the Casino so eavesdropping on them could be valuable. 

It’s while they’re looking in the shadows near one of these control rooms that they hear something one would not expect to hear in the control room of a casino, even a cognitive one. The yapping of a dog echoes throughout the compound the halls and following the sound is what appears to be a small, light brown puppy. Specifically, Joker thinks, a toy poodle. 

It’s an adorable poodle—certainly nothing like the ferocious guard dog shadows they faced in Kaneshiro’s palace. In fact, this thing looked more like a teddy bear than any sort of shadow, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t dangerous to them. For the sake of caution, Joker signals for everyone to stay hidden for the time being while he approaches the dog alone. 

As Joker emerges, the dog does not seem as alarmed as one would expect of such a creature. In fact, the small canine merely gives another yap before bounding up to Joker with enthusiasm and an apparent desire to cuddle him…. It’s probably safe to say this thing isn’t a shadow at this point. Which only begs the question, what is an adorable toy poodle even doing here? Nonetheless, Joker signals to the others that it’s safe to come out now. 

While the others approach to take a look Akira bends down to give the puppy a scratch behind the ears, the furry little critter sits happily and leans into Akira’s touch. Behind him, Ann and Haru coo at the dog while Futaba bends down next to him starting up a chant of “Who’s a good puppy?” While he’s scratching, Akira notices that the dog is wearing a collar. 

“it has a nametag,” he points out, “that might mean it’s important to the palace somehow.”

“Could a real dog have wandered into the metaverse accidentally?” Ann questions, “Mona can get in and out without the Meta Nav.”

Mona bristles immediately at that, “Are you comparing me to a common dog!? I can do that because I’m a professional! There’s no way this could be a normal dog from the real world.”

“But why would Sis would a have a cognition of a dog in her palace? We’ve never had any pets, if fact, she’s firmly against the idea.”

While this conversation is happening, Akira takes a closer look at the dog’s nametag. “Ah, I see why he’s here now.”

“Hm?” Futaba looks up at him. “It’s a boy?”

“Yup,” Akira confirms, “Check out his name.” Akira picks up the puppy and angles him towards Futaba so she can read the nametag. 

She squints at the writing for a moment before breaking down into complete, wheezing laughter. 

“What? What’s so funny?” Ryuji pushes forward- toppling Futaba’s still laughing form over- to look at the puppy’s tag as well. “The dog’s named after Akechi? I don’t get it, what’s so funny?”

Akira can’t help but let a chuckle slip at Ryuji’s obliviousness even as Akechi stiffens up. “That dog is called what now?” Akechi asks in a tone significantly lacking his usual politeness. 

Haru lets out a quiet “Oh” as Makoto moves closer to the Akira and the puppy, now identified as Goro Akechi. 

“I think what this means, Ryuji, is that this dog is Sis’s cognitive version of Akechi.” Makoto does well to sound calm and factual, but Akira doesn’t miss the hint of a smirk on her face that tells him she’s enjoying this. 

Ryuji just looks at Makoto blankly for a moment, and Akira mentally counts down the seconds as he processes. When the countdown reaches zero, Ryuji is hit with realisation and doubles over to join Futaba in her laughing fit. 

As the other members all come to the same realisation, the entire group slowly devolves into a fit of tentative giggles. Aside from Akechi, who is still standing stiff as a bored and looking for all the world like that lovely Detective Prince mask of his is just barely being held together by duct tape.

Out of pity (NOT because he has a soft spot for Akechi and doesn’t like to see him upset), Akira intervenes. “C’mon guys, most of you know what it’s like to have a shitty cognitive double so don’t be mean.” 

“Yeah Crow, at least you’re not stuck in a tacky, leopard print bikini.” Akira can tell that Ann is trying to be comforting. However, the attempt is severely undermined by the fact that she’s still giggling. Also, now he’s wondering what Akechi would look like in a tacky, leopard print bikini and he can’t say he hates it. 

Akechi’s movements are stiff like it’s taking all of his willpower not to explode. He joins Akira in taking a closer look at the puppy still just happily snuggling up in Akira’s arms. “I just don’t understand. I know Sae and I have had our differences but what on earth could I have possibly done to deserve-” Akechi gestures at the dog- “this.” 

“I don’t think you should necessarily take it as an insult, Crow,” Haru pipes up. “He’s a very cute puppy, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard somewhere that poodles are one of the smartest breeds of dog.”

“Well, then that makes it all better. At least Sae sees me as smart mutt,” Akechi all but spits.

“Hey!” Akira shifts Goropup (that’s how he’s decided to refer to him) in his arms so he can face Akechi. “I know you’re upset, but Noir was just trying to make you feel better.” 

Akechi sighs and Akira thinks he catches a glimpse of an eye roll under his mask, “You’re right, of course, I didn’t mean to be rude, Noir. I am simply somewhat distressed to discover that Sae does not, in fact, see me as any sort of equal. I’m not unused to this sort of thing as a teenager on the police force, but I always thought Sae was better.” 

Akechi bows his head towards Haru, “Still that is no excuse. I hope you will accept my apologies.”

“Apologies accepted, Crow,” Haru smiles, “Although it wasn’t necessarily surprising, I was still very shocked when I found out how my father saw me.”

“Thank you Noir, I appreciate your understanding.” 

“Not to interrupt this valuable bonding moment or anything-” Futaba jumps in, practically shoving Akechi out of the way, “But Joker you’ve been hogging pup’ Kechi this whole time. I wanna hold him too!”

On pure instinct (honest!) Akira pulls Goropup closer to himself and turns away from Futaba. Goropup makes a small grunt in response to being squeezed and it does absolutely nothing to convince Akira to relinquish him to Futaba. 

Akira realises how this must look and scrambles for an excuse. “He’s still a cognition we don’t know much about so we shouldn’t let our guards down.”

Ann comes forward at that, “What the hell?! If he was gonna do that he would have done it during this  _ entire _ time you’ve been holding him, don’t be greedy Joker!”

“He looks incredibly soft, so I too would like the chance to offer pets, if I may, “Yusuke feels the need to chime in. 

“Don’t I get a say in all this?” Akechi points out.

Futaba pushes her glasses up like an academic whose about to correct the poor fool who dared to question her. “Of course not. Goropup is just a cognition so it’s not like we’re trying to pet you.”

“Although… Crow’s hair also looks similarly soft.”

“Fox, please.”

“In any case, “Akechi states, “I vote that we just put the thing back where it came from and move on, forgetting this ever happened in the process.”

“Oh I don’t think any of us are going to be forgetting about this any time soon, Crow,” Makoto smirks at him. 

Akechi sighs, “I suppose it was just wishful thinking.”

“We can move on after our so-called ‘leader’ stops being so selfish.” 

Back to the point at hand, Futaba resumes her advancement towards Goropup, only to abruptly stop upon the realisation that he’s curled up and gone to sleep in Akira’s arms.

“Well now I can’t let you hold him, it’d wake him up if I moved him now.”

Futaba sneers at him, “you win this round, Joker. You win this round.” She settles for just giving the pup a scratch behind the ears that causes him to shift slightly in Akira’s arms.

“Don’t you think it’s kind of odd that a cognition is getting so comfortable with known thieves?” Makoto points out. “Shouldn’t he be more loyal to Sis?”

“I suppose that in itself could be a comment on Crow,” Haru muses. “Perhaps she does not see him as a very loyal person, or maybe she thinks he’s too trusting?”

Akechi makes a face, “knowing Sae, I imagine the second option is closer to the truth. Although I believe she sees me as more naive than trusting.”

“Hey this is all real fascinating and stuff,” Ryuji interrupts, “but we can’t just hang around all day petting some dumb dog. We got a palace to do!”

“I hate to say it but Skull’s right,” Futaba mourns from where she is continuing to give Goropup scritches.

“I hate it when Skull’s right, “Ann pouts from her spot next to Futaba, doing the same thing.

Akira doesn’t say anything but inside he is deeply lamenting the inevitable future where he is going to have to put this precious ball of fluff down and go back to trying to survive a murder attempt from his “maybe, kinda, sorta, crush.”

Akechi seems to reach a breaking point and strides up to Akira with purpose and looks him in the eye, “put the dog down Joker.” 

He carefully extracts the sleeping Goropup from Akira’s arm (not taking any care at all to be gentle with him, Akira might add) and places him back at the doorway he came from. Goropup wakes up at the jostling and, upon seeing where he has been placed, joyfully pitter-patters his way back into the room. 

“Good bye, Goropup, we hardly got the chance to pat you. “Futaba waves after the dog as though he is leaving on the titanic. 

“We’ll miss you Goropup, you looked so you cute while you were sleeping.” Ann manages to muster up a few fake sniffles.

“Your fur was truly the softest,” Yusuke sighs wistfully.

“I think you guys are being a little melodramatic about this,” Makoto groans at their theatrics. Haru just giggles at them.

“Now that’s over and done with,” Akechi says, “I would like to second Skull’s motion that we  _ please  _ go back to infiltrating the palace.”

Joker gives one more meaningful glance towards wherever it was that Goropup went off to before turning back to the rest of the team.

“Alright, let’s do this!”

**Author's Note:**

> Look guys, I love Akechi, he's one of my fav characters, but he is just SO DAMN ANNOYING during Sae's palace like every time he talks I just want him to shut the hell up.


End file.
